How do I do this?

Who knew cutting paper could be so complex...& also everyone has to learn

It’s 10pm and I’m staring at a pile of orange-tinted headshots of myself (there was a small-town printing fiasco) with yellow-blonde hair, a pink background, and a black tank top with way too much makeup on for a headshot photo, and a stack of half-empty-fresh-out-of-college resumes preparing for my NYC musical theatre intensive (more on that next time, cause that was the best).

The objective: staple each headshot to each resume.

The conflict: the stacks of papers are two different sizes

A conflict that does not seem as foreign to me now, felt like a code to crack this late evening. In my mama’s sewing room, probably drinking a cup of decaf after our post-diner-sweet-treat as she faithfully helps me figure out this arduous task.

We eventually figured out a roundabout way to complete the task after measuring and slicing and re-starting & laughing throughout. After I moved to New York my roommate showed me the simplest way to go about it and I giggled thinking of that late night in mama’s sewing room.

I was reminded of this moment today after I seamlessly stapled my headshot to my resume and coolly sliced the extra bits of paper off the sides at an audition, then later in the day I watched a fellow actor receive help figuring out the whole headshot resume thing for the first time. I thought to myself, we all have to learn for the first time with everything. I remember being SO embarrassed and sweaty-palmed to ask my dear roommate Soph for help, but now I can easily and swiftly prepare what I need!

For most of my life I have assumed that I should already know how to do things. I have been very hard on myself when it comes to having to learn to do new things. I think this was exacerbated when I worked my bookstore job in college and was made to feel small in front of customers as I was still learning on the job, and after that perhaps I carried a sense of “I should already know this” with me.

As an adult, I have thankfully (hopefully) grown out of this a little bit, and now when I meet someone and it’s their first audition, first time cutting and stapling, first time ordering from a restaurant on one of those standing screens (which by the way… why?) I try to comfort them, make them feel like they aren’t dumb, and break the pressure we put on ourselves.

EVERYONE has to do that thing for the first time, and we should all try to remember the first time we learned to do something as opposed to growing an air about us that believes we can’t help others due to the fact that we’re past that phase.

There’s no gatekeeping in life when you believe that what’s for you will not pass you.

I recently felt tempted to become more inward, not sharing as many things, “I need to keep things closer to my chest and not be so vulnerable”, NO! There is a specific plan for you. You must keep showing up, friend. You must keep running the race.

You must help with the cutting and the stapling and the telling that person they don’t need to measure with a ruler in their mom’s sewing room and that there’s an easier wayyyyyy!

Ciao for now! Xx